Thursday, March 24, 2011

Pole Dancing for Jesus

Crystal Dean, who was probably doomed to become a stripper when her parents gave her that porno-name, offers "Pole Dancing for Jesus" classes in Spring, Texas (of course it's Texas), where also of course the local Faux News affiliate is all over it. She says she was "raised around religion n' all" and as a result is "very Christian." She's quite sure that "she's good with God" who "doesn't judge" but if we wanna judge her, go ahead.

Personally I've got nothing against pole dancing. I don't very often go vote for it with a big wad of Washingtons, but I have done so in the past, in such Temples of Terpsichore as Crazy Girls, Jumbo's Clown Room, and Seventh Veil, but that was when I was in L.A. and required to take meetings under such taxing circumstances. Still, I suspect that Jesus would have no problem with pole dancing, so long as the performers were tolerant, peaceful and charitable. He might disapprove of those joints where the dancers are encouraged to feign interest in the customers so as to extract money, but I'm sure Crystal was never like that.

I can't say I much care for the brand of theology that says, 'God doesn't judge.' This is pretty much George W's brand of laissez-faire Christianity: 'Jesus forgives us so, fuck it, bring on the waterboards.'

Finally, I can't say that I actually believe the account, but I do like the anecdote: Crystal says that some folks have come around literally thumping her door with their Bibles for conflating Jesus and sexy nekkedness in this way. I would really like to see some video of that.


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